Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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