after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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