Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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