when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
