I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize