what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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