if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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