i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
there is glitter all over my balls
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