The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
