Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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