OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
