That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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