In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
