This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
