We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
