mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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