is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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