oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
