What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
