Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
