I faked an abortion last night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
