When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
