I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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