Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
