No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
