therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
