i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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