her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
