I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
