So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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