i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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