And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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