He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
