I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
