Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
