He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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