I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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