Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
