I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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