he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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