So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
