He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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