I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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