I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
