my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
