Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
