I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
