im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
