There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I forget how to act sober
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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