She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
