new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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