Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
