Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
