Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
