it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
