This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
