hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
