I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
