We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
