What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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