I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm just crazy horny about you
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
