Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
