I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize