Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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