you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize