I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
