She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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