You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
