hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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